I'm talking about emotional pain here, which yes, can surface in physical ways, but that's an entirely different conversation. Maybe next time. Anyway, when we are in [emotional] pain, whether it be loss, grief, sadness, anxiety, or anything that places discomfort in our hearts, our first instinct is to move. Move out of the space of pain. Go shopping (retail therapy), go for a run (fire up those endorphines), self-medicate with drugs/alcohol, fill your calendar so you have no time to slow down.. whatever your vice(s) of choice may be. Everyone is different, but most people I know can agree that it is easy to cover up the emotional pain but trying to bury it underneath a lot of things that seem good at the time.
I have learned, however, over my years and through recent experiences, that you can not just leave this pain behind by getting up and moving. You can not abandon something that has manifested itself in your heart. You carry your heart with you day in and day out and through everything you do, and this heart, no matter how sad, hurt, betrayed, confused, happy, excited it may feel is going to follow you through your day without asking if you would like it to join you. This is called being alive, and life is messy and beautiful and sometimes painful.
When we cannot abandon our feelings, we have to learn to sit with them. I have been practicing this through meditation, and I am so grateful that I started this months ago because I need it now more than ever. When I feel emotional pain, I sit. I roll out my yoga mat or sit on the floor or wherever I feel the most grounded, sit up nice and tall folding my legs crossed in front of me, take in a big deep breath and as I let it out, I recognize how I feel in that moment with as little judgement as possible (ex: "I feel sad." but not "I feel sad; that's not good."). This also applies to when I feel angry, anxious, confused, or any sort of emotional stress. And quite truthfully, I do this practice when I feel incredible and happy and excited, but meditation is a lot easier at those times and again, that's an entirely different conversation for another day. Anyway, after that initial breath of acknowledgement comes more breathing. With my next breath, I create space for my heart to feel without being restricted. Then, I ask myself why I feel how I do. And I breathe with every question and with very answer I create more space for my heart and mind to align. And when all is done, I sit. And I allow myself to feel every feeling and remove all barriers of my mind and my heart that might doubt why I feel how I do. I don't ask myself for doubt, or for excuses, or for a way out. I ask myself to take 5-10 minutes and give permission for myself to feel with complete surrender.
We can be our own worst critics: "You shouldn't do this" "You shouldn't do that" "You could have done better" "What if you had done that one thing differently that one time" ... No. Enough with all of that bullshit. This is what has happened, and this is how you feel about it, and you have every right to feel how you do in any given moment, so do not let your mind try to talk you out of emotions. I'm not saying start making irrational decisions or portraying your emotions onto someone else, or saying words today which you may regret tomorrow, but take a few minutes to sit with that pain, identify the true feeling, acknowledge it, and breathe.
Because when we can not let it go, we must let it be.
